Finding Endless Love

Hi guys, it's me back again. Sorry for super late post haha... I've been busied with some tasks to do. So, today I'd like to tell you guys about my not-so-romantic story on my college time lol. I decide to write a lot with English to make certain people don't understand what my story is. lol kidding. Okay let's start...

2nd Semester has passed, I've liked some guys in my college. I mean just "like" them not really "fall in love" with them. Just like "Oh my gosh, he's cutie" "there... he's hot af" but about this past 4 months, I've used to like my senior. I'm not gonna tell you who he is. Idk when I started love him, at first I didn't like him bc he's such a jerk haha... like "what the fuck are you?" lol... he was like my leader when I got one of nursing program in my college. Then, he texted me then my friend was like "OMG... bing he likes you bc he posted a picture what he was doing" and then I was like "Meh... jangan baper. Nope he isn't" then about a month we talked and share our stories (most of my stories actually lol) FUCK I'VE TO SAY THIS, I FUCKIN STARTED LIKE HIM AND ADORE HIM THAT MUCH MUCH AND MUCH.............. I know it'll hurt me, bc he seems nice to everybody lol. And he has bunch of fckin solid friends. I know all of those things, I use to think that if I date him, he'll prefer his friends than me. I'M OKAY WITH THAT... YASSS OF COURSE, BECAUSE I LOVE HIM. I'M HAPPY IF HE'S HAPPY. Lol my fckin dreamin' mind. But.... God always rights and gives the best for me. Maybe it isn't the right time with the right guy. Since then I don't even know when, we even don't talk that much nowadays. Maybe he got mocked by his friends, So he seems avoid me that much. I'm fun with my friends, so he is. But from the deepest of my heart, it still hurts. I feel bad with myself, I'm not hatin on him.. I love him what makes him happy, I'm happy with that. Like, I find new brother that can fill my days. But why should I fall in love with the wrong guy (again)?? I know God will give me best gift someday. Fall in love with wrong person actually isn't funny like you already passed these moments about 3 times with other guys? then again? He isn't such a player but what makes guilty about myself is, why I can't learn from the pass. I've got hurt with a guy when I was on Senior High School then why I'm not careful to fall in love again? Because of I'm childish? I'm tired for crying about the same thing. THEN WE JUST LIKE PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER BEFORE. LIKE WE ARE STRANGERS. I've to be honest, that I'm sad to think that we are strangers again. Maybe, I'm wrong to put the situation. Maybe my imagination is too high. Then when he said hi to me and My mind just like "okay, hi back" tapi karena saking geroginya gue cuma ngangkat alis doang. FUCK. Bodo bgt gue. tayyy. This wasn't I mean. After that, he doesn't  care about me anymore. Or...... he never cares about me haha...And that I don't like is his friends smirks at me when we start to talk again. Then we are awkward right? and finally kita batal ngomong deh. Shit, fck you guys... lol kidding. I hate to think that we used to laugh about something isn't funny, he used to like mock at me, so did I. He was a funny guy maybe that's why I used to fall in love with him. But we can't take back the time right?. He still replies my texts, but it's not like before. Just ala kadarnya. the funny thing is, I still text him whenever I miss him. BUT I ALWAYS TEXT HIM FIRST. Udah cukup gue agresif dan malunya gimana ya. So, I decide to move on. YES 1000% move on. Udah sih, tapi kadang udh move on then I'm back again lol. And what I dislike again is, my classmates idk when they know that I like him. FCK YOU GUYS. Dasar gosip ae ha. Then, the last thing that hurts me is one of my classmates LIKES him too. Sorry gurl, but not like I DID HAHAHA. Tbh, dari semua ini. I'm learning not to BAPER anymore. 

Makasi bli udah ngajarin nabila banyak hal. Walaupun emang, cara ngomongmu kyk gitu nyeplos aja dan bener but you are still my brother, my teacher, my .... ugh no.... , my favorite crush even I can't be yours (Maybe someday or never hahah). Even we are not dating, but can we like before?  kayak pas aku belum suka sm kamu tanpa diketawain temen temenmu dan keJAIManmu? tp still big thankies for you, been learning how to survive in life lol. No, but how to be mature person. I'm better now. I hope you read my post, just a 5 mins kok. Bc, if I talk to you di kampus, pasti awkward bgt ngomong ginian dan dikiranya akunya baperan padahal lu-nya nganggep nothing ya :') Because I know being in relationship is not your priority ya kan? haha Bli kapan-kapan belajar lagi ya menghadapi cewek jangan dibaikkin semuanya, I mean km terlalu baik sih diladenin aja, awas loh yang baper bisa sakit hati haha. Lagi 1, can I call you "Kakak"? Enggak ini bukan kakak adik zone. Emang aku perlu bgt kakak yang bisa nuntun aku selain Tuhan dan ortu pastinya, yang bisa ngajarin aku, yang bisa bawelin dan marahin aku kalo aku salah dan sengklek hehe. Mungkin gak bisa ya. Ini sebenernya yang bikin aku gak suka jatuh cinta sm orang yang udah deket sm aku. Kamu itu udh bukan kyk sebatas kakak tingkat buat aku. Semuanya... walaupun we never get a date. Maaf kalo nabila sering bikin kesel, bukan menghindar jg tapi you know lah. Tp seiringnya waktu, semua akan baik-baik saja.

And at the end, you'll be find your beautiful princess and I'll be find my prince charming. You should believe that yaaa.... I LOVE YOU

You never know whether a girl is 'really' happy or not. Because when you see her laughing out loud, showing happy face without any pains. Possibly, it's just the opposite of her. - Nabila Pramesti

Yeah guys thank you for reading this post. Sorry for my mixed-plot story haha. Tbh, I wrote this while I was smiling then crying. I hope you guys can feel what I want to transfer to you guys. Kalian pernah dong ngerasain jatuh cinta tanpa alasan, padahal dipikir- pikir dia itu gak pantes buat lu tapi tetep aja suka ya kan? Intinya, kalian jangan terlalu baper sama seseorang. You can love him/her, but you shouldn't have him/her. Boleh suka, jatuh cinta, sayang, etc, boleh diperjuangin. Tapi kalo emang udah gak worth, jangan BAPER dan STOP IT. GO WITH THE FLOW, OKAY?
Pls comment below what do you guys think and you can tell me too about your love story. Luv....

P.S this is a fun breakup song, my favorite jam nowadays!!

LITTLE MIX- HAIR